I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want her autograph on my taint
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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