I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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