I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
