Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize