I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
