Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
