Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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