Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
