Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
