There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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