Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this will be a night to untag.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
