I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize