no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
