The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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