i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
