well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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