Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize