party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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