Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize