loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
