k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
