also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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