Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
