He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
