The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
