Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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