There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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