just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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