My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
