I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
