Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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