If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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