We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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