So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
