my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
