i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
