I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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