I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry about my life...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
