Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
