I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
