I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Panties = found
Randomize
