U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
