And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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