Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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