Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
