chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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