I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
