Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
