i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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