turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
