hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
