I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize