He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
