I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
