It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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