OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
