I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
