Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
