Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
