You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
