I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
