also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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