I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
