I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
