"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
