I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
