and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
