toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
