we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
