# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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