yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
